Britney Spears Loses Custody, Panties

Written by Chad Messer

Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Britney Spears Loses Custody, Panties Los Angeles, CA – Chalk one up for K-Fed. With the recent custody dispute between Kevin Federline and Britney Spears settled out of court, our long national nightmare is now behind us. Federline is set to keep physical custody of the little tater tots, with Ms. Spears having visitation rights.

“I still get to see my babies, y’all,” said Ms. Spears as she left the courtroom. “Who wants to get some Slim Jims?”

Getting into her limousine, Spears bent over to show the throng of reporters that she was not wearing any underwear, and that she had a patchy wax job on her leather bootstrap of a vagina.

“You betta recognize,” exclaimed Mr. Federline as he followed his ex-wife down the courthouse steps. “Them kids is mine, and we gonna go shoot fireworks off in the yard like a fambly.”

Not only did K-Fed get to keep full custody of his chill’uns, Britney has to pay him $20,000 a month in support.

In a rare public statement from Spears and Federline’s kids, young Jayden James intoned that “that sure would by a hell of a lot of Cheetos and Faygo Red Pop. Maybe daddy will splurge and get us some Shasta!”

A custody case like this would usually bring fathers’ rights advocates out of the woodwork in support of Mr. Federline, but that has not been the case this time.

When asked about the absence of visible support, Mark Adams, president of the Fathers Defense Fund, stated that: “It’s not heroic to claim that you are a stay-at-home dad if you were going to stay at home anyway, with or without kids. It makes you lazy. Just because a man is capable of fathering a baby doesn’t mean he’s capable of being a father. But in this case the kids were in a lose-lose situation.”

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