Carrie Underwood's Perfect Match?

Written by Derrick Long

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

The guys were sitting in the war room at C-N-N and as it does most of the time, talk started to revolve around women. Since there has been a lot of buzz about Carrie Underwood’s latest interview in Cosmo and since no one here would own up to reading the magazine to write a review, we thought we would instead see if she would be compatible to date Steve, one of the C-N-N founders and huge Carrie Underwood fan.

It has been very hot around here lately so we have limited our Carrie Underwood facts to what we could find drinking a beer and surfing the internet under the air conditioning unit. Going under the assumption that if it is on the internet it MUST be true (insert tongue in cheek here), we have come up with these facts, followed by our matchmaking conclusion:

First we want someone beautiful and sexy for our beloved co-founder. We think Carrie definately scores high here. She was first runner-up in the 2003 Miss Northeastern State University pageant, but in the Cosmo article she said, "I don't consider myself sexy,” and we have to agree, those legs are awfully skinny!

We also need someone interesting and all you American Idol fans will remember that she told the judges that she had a third nipple removed. Now this is a conversation piece! She also mentioned that it just looked like a mole anyway so though we were at first upset that a third nipple was removed, a black bump with a hair growing out of it probably would have been distracting anyway.

As far as social skills go, Ms. Underwood claimed in the July article, “I usually wear sweats everywhere I go. Oh, and I burp a lot.” Now, this brought tears to our eyes as we thought we would never find anyone that would be on the same skill level socially as Steve is.

Though it may seem these two are meant for each other there are some negatives. Carrie Underwood was voted "World's Sexiest Vegetarian" in 2005 by PETA via an online poll. Now the staff here at C-N-N cannot recall a time that Steve has eating anything that was NOT meat since we have known him. We are not even sure he can spell vegetarian.

We have also read that Carrie Underwood can be a little, well, bitchy at times. Now we all care about Steve and want him to have someone special but we have to be perfectly honest. We have it real easy around here and we need someone that is not going to come around and mess it all up. The last thing we need is some diva in his life making him want to spend more time at the office!

Our conclusion, unless hell freezes over, we will keep looking.

Sorry Steve.

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