Country of Iraq to Help Celebrate 4th of July

Written by Chad Messer

Thursday, 03 July 2008

July 4th in Iraq Baghdad, Iraq – In an unprecedented show of multinational solidarity, the country of Iraq has pledged to help the United States celebrate its’ Independence Day holiday with a series of small fireworks shows.

“These will be fireworks displays that the infidels—whoops, I mean the Americans—will remember for generations, said Abdul al Ackbar, Admiral of the Iraqi armed forces under Saddam Hussein. “They really will be quite spectacular.”

In the United States the 4th of July is celebrated with huge fireworks displays, with explosions of varied colors and shapes exciting the crowd. The Iraqi celebrations, on the other hand, are expected to be a little more low-key than the great celebrations of large American cities.

“We are going to do our fireworks displays on a much more local basis,” Ackbar explained. “Actually, they will be on a street by street basis. Maybe even car by car.”

When asked about this touching show of brotherhood, President Bush stated that, “I love fireworks,” and “it’s great when they go boom.”

American troops, on the other hand, are a little more wary of the Iraqi plan for the 4th. “In the immortal words of the more famous Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars,” said PFC Paul Guiterrez, “it’s a trap!”

Tired of playing Wile E. Coyote in the Road Runner cartoon that the Iraq War has devolved into, many American servicemen and servicewomen are hoping for the chance to make some fireworks of their own.

“The Iraqi insurgents sure hope to make some small bangs on Independence Day,” Guiterrez continues, “but we’ve got some big bangers reserved just in case things get out of hand. We’ve got some shit in these tanks that will blow their beards clean off.”

No matter how things go this fourth of July, it’s safe to say that our troops are sick and tired of explosions, whether they come in pretty colors or not.

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