Disney to Conquer Space

Written by Bryan Hackney

Monday, 09 June 2008

Disney In Space Funny News Story Recently, NASA sent a shuttle into space with a few objectives. Their first objective, deliver a new lab to the space station, second objective, help Disney spread their dominance to new galaxies.

NASA successfully helped Buzz Lightyear infiltrate the orbiting space station, prompting guffaws from the Russian scientists who “hate that stupid little man.”

While many see this as a silly ploy on Disney’s part to bolster ratings, Robert Iger, president of The Walt Disney Company, couldn’t be happier. “We see this as a way to branch out to untapped markets. Space is the final frontier. For all we know there could be life on other planets that have not yet experienced the joy of seeing Bambi’s mother die or felt the sting when Mufasa was killed.”

Disney is organizing to combat this new frontier. Currently, they are developing commercials geared towards a “more alien audience.” “The real problem in penetrating this audience is figuring out exactly who this audience is,” said Travis Conner, lead writer for Disney’s new marketing campaign. “If they are squid-like they might enjoy commercials featuring Arial wearing pasties on her nipples, you know, for sex appeal. Or, they could be tiny people who would appreciate seeing a close nit group of male dwarves living, and loving, together. It’s just so difficult to guess what we are up against.”

Whatever direction they decide to go in, history shows that Disney has the Midas touch so conquering space should not be overly complicated. In the end, Disney wants to make sure that the whole galaxy has access to their brand of colorful cartoons, heart-wrenching stories and homoerotic imagery.

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