Dodge Unveils New Alternative-Fuel Car

Written by Chad Messer

Saturday, 31 May 2008

Detroit, Mich – Dodge automobile engineers have just unveiled a new concept car that they hope will be perfect for the American public. The Dodge Concept Car alternative-fuel car, codenamed the “Douche”, will be the first automobile available to the masses that runs solely on smug self-satisfaction.

It's about time Detroit came up with something like this,” said Ben Hymels, a visitor at the convention center where the car was unveiled. “The environment is in peril and we all need to reduce our carbon footprint. I don't know how many times I have had to interrupt my friends' conversations with how we should all try to live more green. I bring it up every ten minutes!”

The Dodge Douche will be the first SUV-sized vehicle that will not run on gasoline; the smug self-satisfaction of the driver will power the fuel cell indefinitely.

“The type of person that drives any standard hybrid car will have no trouble with this machine,” states Sven Skarrsgaard, the lead engineer of the Douche. “In fact, there are quite a few conservationists and vegans whose sheer volumes of smug self-satisfaction would be able to pilot this baby to the moon and back.”

Though crash-testing has yet to occur on the concept car, it is believed that the Dodge Douche will wind up being the safest car on the planet, since people can't stand to be anywhere near the type of person who would own such an automobile.

Sipping on his Starbucks Venti Mocha Half Caf, Hymels concluded: “Now when I drive down the street, people won't be angry that the Phish and Dave Matthews is playing too loud. They'll look at me and say “just look at that Douche going down the road”. That's all the thanks I need.”

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