George W. Bush Presidential Library to be Full of History, Coloring Books

Written by Chad Messer

Saturday, 31 May 2008

Dallas, Texas – Newly released plans for the George W. Bush Presidential Library, to be built on the campus of Southern Methodist University next year, have some pundits visibly puzzled, and possibly a little concerned.

George W Bush Library “I understand that there really is no protocol for these types of things,” said Republican strategist Will Madison in a conference call yesterday, “but this library is going to be unlike anything we have ever seen.”

One of the items that concern the President's allies is the proposed “Curious George Memorial Wing and Taco Bar”, which Bush aides tell us is being built in appreciation of “that spunky 'lil monkey, without whom I never would have learned to read too good.”

“That's true,” insists former Bush advisor Karl “Turdblossom” Rove. “He started reading Curious George early on, within his first 100 days in office, and by now he can almost make it all the way through “Hop on Pop”. We are all so proud.”

The Curious George Wing is set to house more than 10,000 volumes, almost all of which are about monkeys, or have a monkey somewhere on the cover. One can only assume that the Taco Bar will not serve monkey meat, though House Democrats have said in internal memos that they expect that bananas will be featured heavily on the menu, mainly because, according to Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi, “they look like small yellow cocks, and nothing goes better with my taco than that.”

The Library is also being built to accommodate what will become the nation's largest collection of coloring books, but Bush aides are trying to lower public expectations. “We all know that President Bush is a Republican,” Madison warns, “so he only sees the world in terms of black and white. It's a good trait for the head of the GOP, but it makes for some pretty damned boring coloring books.”

Word at press time also mentioned that the complex will also house Bush's Presidential Papers, which at this time consist of 10 boxes of doodles of male genitalia, unicorns and Ewoks, 2 boxes of official 8X10 photos of Vice President Cheney with the word “Dick” Sharpied on all the foreheads, and one copy of the Bill of Rights, which is barely readable because of a large brown streak that was left behind when the President wiped his butt with it.

Comments

Add New