Guitar Hero Denied Entrance Into the Justice League

Written by Chad Messer

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Guitar Hero Denied! There are some clubs that are really easy to get into. The Boy Scouts. The Mile High Club. The Hair Club for Men. Then there are some clubs that are virtually impregnable. Guitar Hero found this out the hard way when he was recently denied admission into the Justice League of America.

Guitar Hero based his application on the fact that he singlehandedly saved 80s and 90s arena metal from obscurity, as well as the superhuman prowess that is required to master DragonForce's “Through the Fire and Flames”.

“I have to give the guy credit,” said the Flash from the JLA's orbital satellite, the Watchtower. “That song is hard to play, even for me, but we need to see more before he can be considered one of Earth's true champions.”

While this is certainly a blow to Guitar Hero's self-esteem, he has no plans to abandon his dream of championing the cause of justice as a part of Earth's premiere super-team.

“Jesus Christ, I know it's a cliché to pick on Aquaman,” says Guitar Hero, “But I refuse to believe that I'm worth less as a hero than someone whose power lets him talk to fish. He can give me a call when he can get 100% on “Raining Blood” on Expert. Oh, he can't do that with his hook hand? My tiny plastic guitar weeps for him.”

Asked for an official statement from the Justice League, Batman sent out a press release that states in part that: “though we respect Guitar Hero's accomplishments as a fake musician and take his ability to mash a specific sequence of buttons in a short amount of time, he's just not what we are looking for at this time.”

“First of all, the world needs to know that Batman is a douchebag,” Guitar Hero growled as he left the Hall of Justice in a huff. “Everybody knows that he's in Bruce Wayne's back pocket. Everybody also knows that WayneTech owns a controlling interest in the Rock Band initiative. I guess it's no coincidence that he wants no part of me in the JLA.”

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Jason Sigler - The Amazing Superzeroes!

|2008-08-12 14:27:16

Actually, for fact-checking's sake, the JLA, in an effort to become with their
(mostly) fellow man, recently moved back to Earth and built another Hall of
Justice-esque center of operations.

So most likely, Guitar Hero just beamed
up to space and died upon arrival. RIP, Guitar Hero.

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