Invisible Boat Pays Off

Written by Bryan Hackney

Saturday, 07 June 2008

It’s hard to be Wonder Woman these days. Lately, male superheroes such as Superman, Spiderman and Batman Wonder Women News Story have ruled the roost in the headlines. Heroic deeds from female heroes such as Wonder Woman are often buried in the nose bleed section where no one can find them.

“The challenges placed on female superheroes such as myself are immense,” said Wonder Woman,”I have to fight tooth and nail to get any press. Shaking my tits for the camera isn’t even paying off like it used too.”

Old age is catching up with this once strikingly beautiful woman. Her breasts are hanging below the equator and some have even dubbed her Wonder Thighs, commenting on her, lately, larger than life cottage cheese thighs.

No one talks about Batman’s cataracts or Superman’s impotence problem but everyone will point out my sagging potato sacks. It’s pushed me out of the limelight and I hate it,” said Wonder Woman.

Recently, Wonder Woman found herself on page three of The Washington Times, which is the best press coverage she has received since her sex tape scandal, when she witnessed a man flailing about in the Potomac River. She was on her invisible boat enjoying a day of relaxation when she spotted the man.

“He was obviously drowning. I knew I had to act quickly but the engine in my invisible boat was choked out,” said Wonder Woman. When asked why she didn’t jump in the river to save the helpless victim she responded by saying “I have rheumatoid arthritis and that makes swimming nearly impossible. I did what I could but I can’t move like I used to.”

She immediately sprung to action by placing a call to police on her invisible phone, but, being as it is invisible, she had some trouble locating it. By the time police arrived, the man was floating like a dead gold fish. A net was cast over the man’s body and he was fished out of the river. Police resisted the urge to hang the man by his feet and pose for pictures.

“It was the biggest damn floating thing I ever caught,” commented Officer Tim Brown of the Washington PD with a chuckle, “seriously though, it’s a tragedy when anyone dies. We’re glad that Wonder Woman was there to phone it in.”

While Wonder Woman might not be so super anymore, she is a hero in some people’s eyes. The victim’s family, however, is not impressed. When contacted for comment the family simply stated, “She is a lazy useless bitch. We can’t believe she sat there and watched him drown.”
Impending legal trouble from this incident aside, she is pleased with herself and her press coverage and hopes that she can continue to be an asset to society in the future.

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