Monster Found Under Child’s Bed

Written by Bryan Hackney

Monday, 16 June 2008

Parents have been telling their children that the monster under their bed is a figment of their little imaginations for as long as there have been parents and children. No matter which historical time frame is examined there have always been children, beds and monsters. From early Neanderthal children who would often complain of evil beasties lurking under their rock, we know from ancient feces drawings found on cave walls, to our modern bundles of joy who sleep tightly wrought in the fetal position, monsters have haunted them all.

Today, the question of whether or not these odious beasts exist has been answered. Early this morning, a mother in Richmond VA woke to find her nine year old daughter sitting on her bed covered in blood and clutching a machete. Her piercing scream upon this sight woke most of the neighborhood and prompted neighbors to contact the police.

“She was just sitting there, staring into space,” said Tammy Lynch, the little girl’s mother, “I didn’t know what was going on. What mother wouldn’t scream when she sees her daughter covered in blood?”

Upon closer inspection, Lynch spotted a pool of blood emanating from under her child’s bed. What appeared to be a hideous head was nestled against her daughter’s little red rocking chair. When she asked her daughter what happened, the traumatized little tike simply responded, “I killed Ugly Willy.”

“We got way more than we bargained for when we got to that house,” said sheriff’s deputy Will Wainright. “That thing we pulled out from under the girl’s bed. I’ve never seen anything like that before. It changes everything I thought I knew about everything.”

Police found a dark-green head covered in scales, snarling teeth still barred. The matching body was drenched in its own blood under the child’s bed. It was also dark-green in color and covered with scales, long pointed nails protruding from its fingers. The creature was wearing tattered grey shorts and a red velvet cape.

Evidently, the murderous little child was at her breaking point. Her cries for help had fallen on deaf ears. She found a machete in her father’s oversized nightstand and decapitated her tormentor. So far, these are the only details police have been able to extract from the slightly catatonic child.

This poses the question, what the hell do we as parents actually know for fact? How did such a menacing creature go unnoticed for so long, and have we repressed potentially pertinent memories from our own childhoods? Only, many years of therapy could answer these questions, more importantly now, however, is what do we do about this threat now that it is exposed?

“Beats the hell out of me,” was the only response we received from Wainright.

Child Protective Services is currently investigating the Lynch family, claiming menacing monsters is a form of child abuse. The Lynch’s daughter is on suicide watch on the seventh floor of an unnamed hospital.

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