Navy Says Sea Men No More

Written by Bryan Hackney

Monday, 21 July 2008

Navy Says Sea Men No More The naval branch of our armed forces recently announced that they are working on a new moniker. Years of being called sea men have led to record low enrollment in this particular branch of the military and officials hope to change public perception with a new, ballsy name.

“Those damn semen jokes are killing us,” said Admiral Jonathon Prince. “Who wants to constantly be referred to as male ejaculate?”

For years the Navy has operated quietly under their umbrella of shame. Now, however, they hope to shed their skin and re-emerge with a new persona. Their desire is to strike fear in the hearts of villains with a name that screams death while maintaining their aquatic theme.

“We’re trying to go macho with this one,” said Prince. “The Army has grunts, which is nice and masculine, the Marines have jarheads, which, personally, is my favorite and even the Air Force has a well thought out nickname in flyboys. I don’t know how we got stuck with the travesty that is our shame, but we are badass and we need a badass nickname.”

Some attribute the current naval moniker to pranksters who have nothing better to do with their time than make fun of our wayward sea farers. Others attribute it to comedians, the lowest form of entertainers, looking to cash in on a quick laugh. Whatever the cause, it stuck and they are tired of dealing with it.

“The thing is, we’re awesome,” said Prince. “We can send a missile up your ass from the middle of the ocean. Who the hell else can do that? We just want the same respect as the other less awesome branches get. I mean, we’re so much better than the Army. When do we get our respect?”

The Navy has assembled a think tank comprised of military officials and serious writers, not comedians, to work on concocting a new moniker. Early word is that their progress is progressing. Admiral Prince was nice enough to provide us with a list of the current possibilities:

    * The Poseidon Destroyers
    * Water Death
    * Sea Strikers
    * The Wet Devils
    * Curt and the Argonauts (we have no idea)

Whatever they decide, those of us at C-N-N hope they get the respect they’re due and maybe one day they will be sea men no more.

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Anonymous

|2008-07-22 22:37:11

The tacky semen jokes stuck and just can't seem to get them scrubbed out of
military minds...like Admiral Prince's?

So, those Big Brass Ballsy Buoy
Sailors can't handle their seamen moniker, but then go on to preen about shoving
missiles up the ass from mid-sea? Makes my grizzled old gut quake in waves,
like a bowl of naval jelly.

Tub-heads? How about Nasty Nautical
Ass-Smokers? Squid-heads? Ass-Greasin' Squid-heads? Torpedo-heads?
Fish-heads? Perhaps 'Navaliators', like the esteemed Aviators? Rudder Dunkies?

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