Rogue Rooster Taints Tomatoes

Written by Bryan Hackney

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

The recent outbreak of salmonella infected tomatoes has America running scared from the once loved ripe red fruit. Tomatoes are being exterminated all over the country as a plethora of reports of illness flood our televisions.

The big question on everyone’s tongues is where did this originate? The answer, Mexico. Our troublesome brother to the south shipped the tainted tomatoes to the US where eventual consumption led to widespread illness. Mexico, however, claims they had no idea the tomatoes were tainted and meant no harm to our citizens. Investigations seem to point to an outspoken, rogue, American hating rooster.

“This rooster has tried to cause calamity in the US before,” said Terry Wilcox of the Department of Homeland Defense. “Just last year we received reports that he planned to egg the White House. Luckily, we were able to infiltrate his terrorist organization and bring down the cell assigned to carry out his will.”

They call themselves Cocks Against America. Their leader, known only as the Rogue Rooster, was once a prominent cock in Mexico City’s most respected hen house. His hatred for America began upon learning of the fate of his children.

“He didn’t understand how he had created so many children but had never seen a single one hatch,” said Wilcox. “Once he learned that his children were being shipped to America to serve as food he became angry.”

Over the years that anger grew and eventually became the basis for Cocks Against America. This latest scheme by the Rogue Rooster has thrust him into the spotlight and left many Americans wondering how this terrorist infiltrated our country.

“You have to realize that he’s small,” states Wilcox. “Border patrol looks for humans trying to enter the country illegally, but we are not trained to spot poultry of advanced intelligence. Seriously, who could have seen this coming?”

Homeland Defense’s inability to recognize the Rogue Rooster has many Americans taking extra security measures. “Today it’s our tomatoes,” said Betty Humphries, local citizen, “tomorrow it could be a thousand cocks with bombs strapped to their chests. I’m locking my door tonight for the first time since that rapist escaped last month. The world’s gone crazy.”

While the Department of Homeland Defense is working around the clock to locate the Rogue Rooster, they urge all Americans to be vigilant as we work through this troubling incident. Terry Wilcox put it best when he said “We will prevail. America will not be destroyed by one bad cock.”

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