Sony To Release RD TV

Written by Bryan Hackney

Saturday, 14 June 2008

Sony RD TV Sony shocked the world with the recent announcement of their new RD, or real definition, television series. This new line, known as the holy shit series internally, boasts television viewing in a way that no one has ever experienced.

“HD is great for those who have no imagination,” said Chris Phillips, head of Sony USA’s marketing division. “Sure, HD produces a crystal clear image with extremely deep colors, but it’s limited in that you are not part of the action. With our new RD line of televisions, we integrate the user with whatever he or she chooses to watch.”

Sony has managed to bring the action out of the television. Bullets will wiz past your head while watching war movies, you will be part of the camera crew while watching COPS, and Jerry will have a hard time restraining you from beating the hell out of whichever white-trash guest is gracing your living room.

“The main thing to keep in mind while watching our new line is that this is not virtual reality,” said Phillips. “This is not a parlor trick. The action is actually going on in your living room.”

While many have been creaming their jeans since this announcement, Sony has yet to quell many fears involved with their new line. Early reports indicate that multiple deaths have occurred during test sessions. One poor soul was eaten by lions while watching a documentary on the mating patterns of African animals. Another casualty in Sony’s new endeavor was a sixty year old woman who suffered a massive heart attack while parachuting out of a plane during the feature film Point Break. The most gruesome account occurred during a screening of the film 300. Sony lured thirty individuals, ranging in gender and age, into a small theater, promising them an experience they would never forget. Screams could be heard throughout the building as spears pierced some viewers and swords decapitated others. Reportedly, Sony turned a blind eye to the blood bath writing it off as a necessary evil.

“Sure, we still have a few small wrinkles to work out,” said Phillips, “but we know the American public is ready for this kind of technology. The incident that occurred during the screening of 300 was unfortunate, but you should have seen the amount of abs we were able to display in that room before the “alleged” massacre occurred.

Sony feels the general population is overreacting to what they refer to as “accidental deaths.” “New technology is a work in progress,” states Phillips. “Gutenberg didn’t perfect his printing press without a few paper cuts and the same goes for us. Anyway, we only use the homeless for projects that might involve risk. We feel that we are doing a public service. If things go according to plan then they are treated to an afternoon of theater, and if they don’t, well, at least they’re not on the street harassing the rest of us when we walk to our car.”

Sony hopes to have the RD line out within the coming months if they can resolve their mounting legal issues.

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