Teen Girls Make Pregnancy Pact, Teen Boys Make Herpes Pact

Written by Chad Messer

Monday, 30 June 2008

Gloucester, Mass – Sometimes it can be hard for teens to fit in. High School can be a social maze of cliques, clubs and groups, and it can be difficult to feel like you belong. Some kids fix this by playing sports. Some join extra-curricular clubs. Some, like 17 girls at Gloucester High School, get knocked up.

School officials started to take notice in October as more and more girls came to the school nurse requesting pregnancy tests. These ladies seemed happy when the tests were positive, and dejected when it turned out that they were without child. When questioned, most of the girls revealed that they had made a pact to get pregnant together, and then raise the children together. Kind of like self-replicating BFF’s. While a lot of media attention has been spent of the saga of these 17 loose lolitas, but their boyfriends and erstwhile sperm donors have a story to tell, as well.

“We knew what they were up to the whole time,” said Chester McClure, boyfriend of one of the girls in the pregnancy pact. “And we were cool with it, so long as we got to do our thing.” It turns out that the dozen boys who donated half the genetic material for the pregnancy pact had a pact of their own that the girls knew nothing about. The guys had a herpes pact.

“In a way we were marking our territory on those bitches,” said local teen Josh Carpenter. “The girls wanted babies, and we wanted to be able to prove to our friends that we were sexually active and could score some tail. A few ulcerous lesions on my dong are a small price to pay for a notch on my headboard.”

Local authorities are blaming hit films like “Juno” and “Knocked Up” for glamorizing unwed single motherhood. “Liberal Hollywood must have put secret messages in those films to make my baby act the way she did,” said Steve Jones, whose daughter is now 8 months pregnant and a sophomore at Gloucester High. “A good Catholic girl like her never would have done this on her own. Even though we told her that using birth control is a mortal sin, any teenager knows that you can’t get butt-pregnant.”

Only time will tell if all 17 of these girls stay friends in the coming months, not to mention whether or not the fathers will have anything to do with Gloucester’s newest bundles of joy. The only sure thing is that while the hardships of high school fade as you grow up, motherhood and herpes never fade or go away.

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