This Editorial Went Black, May Not Come Back

Written by Chad Messer

Sunday, 22 June 2008

“Have you ever had something happen that was so racist that you didn’t even get mad? You were just like, ‘Goddamn, that was racist.” – Dave Chappelle

Barack Obama Sock Monkey If you’re the kind of person that gets mad pretty easily you might not want to finish this editorial. If you’re the kind of person that thinks that racism isn’t a problem in this country, it might be best if you stopped here. If you hate black people, or brown people, or yellow people, break away and read one of the funny, made-up articles. Because I am not making this up. Because I’m taking this very seriously. Because this makes me mad as hell.

What we have here is a company in Utah who wanted to make a little scratch off the fact that we are in the middle of one of the most important and historic presidential races in our lifetimes. Nothing wrong with that, especially since we want to make a little scratch off the idea that people want to read fake news because it is less offensive than reading the real news. Their bright idea? A Barack Obama sock monkey. I shit thee not. They looked at the first African-American candidate for the Presidency of the United States and called him a monkey. With geniuses like that, I’m surprised it didn’t come with a rocking chair so they could call it a porch monkey. Jeezus.

Said company, who (ass)holed up at www.thesockobama.com, have since closed up shop and gave the official non-apology apology to “all who were upset by our toy idea.” That’s cute. That’s like saying that they are sorry that you are such a wimp that you were offended by a doll that turns a black man into a simian. What a wimp you must be!

Why is it that we never hear one of these towheaded rubes apologize for being a douche? Here is a small part of their official response to the criticism, cribbed from New York Magazine:

We at TheSockObama Co. are saddened that some individuals have

chosen to misinterpret our plush toy. It is not, nor has it ever been our

objective to hurt, dismay or anger anyone. We guess there is an element

of naiveté on our part, in that we don't think in terms of myths, fables,

fairy tales and folklore. We simply made a casual and affectionate

observation one night, and a charming association between a candidate

and a toy we had when we were little. We wonder now if this might

be a great opportunity to take this moment to really try and transcend

still existing racial biases. We think that if we can do this together,

maybe it will behoove us a nation and maybe we'll even begin

to truly communicate with one another more tenderly, more real even.

I may have been born at night, but I wasn’t born last night. I love the fact that the statement implies that if you are offended by comparing a black man to a monkey toy then you are naive!

Angry yet? Then let us continue. I find it a tad hard to believe that anyone, no matter how deep in the salt plains of Utah you choose to bury your head, would think “Hey. That black guy looks like a monkey. We should make a sock monkey and sell it! People will love us!” You, sirs, are idiots. Just because you aren’t overt enough to use the “N” word doesn’t mean that equating a monkey with a person of color isn’t racist. It’s racist, it’s stupid, and in a perfect world it would be criminal.

And implying that racism is in the realm of “myths, fables, fairy tales and folklore” is, to put it poetically, horseshit, as is the idea that your schilling of the equivalent of a black mammy doll might bring us closer together as a culture. A white man yelling “Jiggaboo” in a crowd is not a stance against racism, no matter how you might try and paint it so.

No matter what you think about Obama or politics or sock monkeys or white naiveté, there is no wiggle room here. The people who would make a monkey out of a man who represents so much to race relations in this country is at best a fool, and at worst a racist fool. The people that would then defend such an act and believe it is some transcendent movement to heal the race divide is a moron, plain and simple.

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