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This Rant is a Spicy Taco |
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Written by Bryan Hackney
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Monday, 30 June 2008 |
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 I have the unhappy misfortune of working in a restaurant. As much as I love Comical News Now, it doesn’t pay the bills. So, like many of you I have to work a menial job. Now, this is where the rant comes into play. Nothing pisses me off more than people who have no idea how to function in society. When did it become so damn hard to order food?
Day in and day out I deal with ignorant people who have no idea how to read a menu and order food. Because of this, I have decided to provide a few pointers on how to function when dining out.
- First, read the goddamn menu! Most restaurants, including the one I work at, spend a great deal of time making sure the menu is idiot proof. They go as far as to list every last item that comes with the entrée. If you are literate, you should be able to properly deduce the menu. And for God’s sake, don’t order until you know what the hell you are ordering.
- Second, we don’t make the prices. Most restaurants are corporate. The ones that aren’t are usually owned by a corporation at some point down the line. Unless you are eating at a local mom and pop shop, the prices are set by nameless dicks that we have never met. If the prices are too high then go somewhere else.
- Get control of your damn kids! I have no idea why people let their kids run wild when in public. A restaurant is not a playground. If your kid gets hurt while out in public, chances are it’s your fault. Running a restaurant is not easy and your crazy ass kids make it that much more difficult.
- We do have the right to kick you out, and for most disgruntled managers, this is the only real work-related pleasure we get. If you are an asshole, chances are you will be told to leave. There is an easy way to avoid this: don’t be a jerk.
- Which brings me to my next point, don’t be a jerk. Most people couldn’t deal with the amount of shit that’s shoveled in a restaurant employees’ face on a daily basis.
- If you’re order is messed up don’t shit a brick. We are human and we do make mistakes. Most managers worth their salt will make it better. The world will not end if your order is wrong.
- To finish off this bulleted list, don’t go to a restaurant thirty minutes before they close. We mostly hate our jobs and want to leave as soon as possible. When you show up that late you have no idea how much time that adds to our night. In the last thirty minutes your service will suck and so will your food.
If you follow these simple rules life will be easier for everybody. You’re in public, so don’t be a dick. If you need any other guidance on what not to do, watch Waiting. Trust me, they didn’t make that shit up.
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