Thong Bandits Should Have Wore Granny Panties

Written by Bryan Hackney

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

Thong Bandit News Story Aryada, Colorado - Two bandits have been apprehended in the investigation into a recent convenience store robbery. The uniqueness of this case comes in the alleged criminal’s choice of disguise. They opted out of the conventional disguises such as panty hose or masks and decided to don thongs to cover their faces.

According to video surveillance and eye witness accounts, one of the bandits wore a green thong over his face while the other chose blue. “It was the most god awful shade of green I have seen. I don’t know what he was thinking when he picked it out. Vomit green should never be anyone’s first choice”, said Betty Thomas, eye witness to the robbery.

Sadly, that was not the only fashion no-no committed in this dastardly deed. The two young men brought the fashion world to its knees when they decided to go with a pink Hello Kitty backpack to store their stolen loot.

Video surveillance shows two suspects, clearly wearing thongs over their faces, entering the convenience store guns in hand, and demanding money from the cashier.

“They sort of looked like two gay doctors ready for surgery,” said Betty Thomas.

Once the cashier handed over their ill gotten gains, the suspects can be seen stuffing the money into a pink Hello Kitty backpack and then sashaying out of the store.

Colorado police had little trouble locating the suspects. “If a thong can’t cover my girl’s cooch it can’t cover a suspect’s face. The thongs got caught in the cleft of their chin and that made it easy to identify them,” said sheriff’s deputy Robert Pacham.

The suspects claimed to have “borrowed” the thongs from one of the suspect’s sisters. She works as a stripper for a local gentleman’s club known as The Wet Beaver. “It was kinda gross because the thongs wasn’t washed and the smell made me sick,” said one of the unnamed suspects.

According to police, upon apprehension the two suspects immediately began slap fighting. When asked why they committed the crime, the suspects responded with a firm snap of their fingers and overly exaggerated chicken heading. C-N-N contacted Colorado police for a comment but they couldn’t stop laughing long enough to provide us with anything useful.

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